


Where Is Mr. Noodles?

by angeryshrimps



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi is #done, Alternate Universe - College/University, Arachnophobia, Attempt at Humor, Bokuto is stupid, Crack, Gen, Humor, I just really want a spider okay, IT IS CUTE OKAY, Lucas the Spider - Freeform, Roommates, Spiders, Spiders are so cute, and scared of spiders, pet tarantula, tarantulas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angeryshrimps/pseuds/angeryshrimps
Summary: Bokuto tensed, glancing from side to side. He shushed him and continued to look fearfully around the room. “Mr. Noodles.”“I’m sorry, who?” Akaashi could not have heard that correctly.“Mr. Noodles!” Bokuto hissed, wrenching the blanket in his hands. He covered the lower half of his face with it, eyes still scanning the room. “He’s here!”Apparently, he had just heard that correctly.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	Where Is Mr. Noodles?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever (published) fic and trust me, I, too, had no idea it was gonna be this kinda dumb shit XD but I am a dumbass and I live for this shit :)

Akaashi arrived in front of the dorm with his life packed in two suitcases. He found the room number, knocked three times, and waited. When no one answered after a minute, he checked his phone.

It was six. Bokuto should have been home, waiting to help him move in.

He rapped at the door again and waited.

No one came.

Akaashi pulled out his phone, figuring Bokuto probably forgot about their meetup. After the second ring, he picked up.

“Hey, hey, hey, Akaashi! Where are you?”

That voice sounded close to him. Very close. Akaashi glanced at the door. “I’m outside your dorm.”

The phone was dropped with a thud and then he heard the scrambling of footsteps before the door was slammed open.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you knock,” Bokuto admitted sheepishly, rubbing at his neck.

“It’s okay.” Akaashi scanned the messy room, heaps of clothing and blankets strewn over the floor, cups and bowls overturned on the floor. “What are you doing?”

Bokuto followed his confused gaze to the cluttered room. “Oh, I was just cleaning. Before you got here. But then you got here before I could finish. So now it looks like this.”

Akaashi sighed and dropped to his knees, picking up a borrowed textbook. He had signed up for this when agreeing to room with Bokuto. “I’ll help you clean up. Let’s try and finish before dinner.”

“Okay! I’ll make ramen!”

He walked around the room, stepping carefully around the chaos that was the floor. He picked up the rest of the books and stacked them in the corner. He took all the cups and bowls and placed them in the sink. Akaashi cleared up both beds, then folded the blankets and placed them at the foot of the bed. He arranged the pillows too, after a moment of consideration. 

“Bokuto-san, do you have a laundry hamper?”

Bokuto set two bowls of instant ramen on the table. “Check the closet!”

Akaashi opened the closet down and immediately wished he hadn’t. It was somehow in a worse state than the room. He knew Bokuto probably shoved everything in there and considered it cleaning. He grabbed the laundry hamper, then quickly closed the closet door. That was a problem for another day.

He gathered the clothes, placing them inside the hamper. A quick look out the window confirmed the sun had not yet set, it was around seven. “I’m going to wash these at the laundromat. Stay safe, Bokuto-san.”

“Oi, what about your food?”

“I’ll eat it when I get back. Can you unpack my suitcase while I’m gone?”

“Sure!” Bokuto sprang to his feet. “I’ll set it up perfectly! Just wait, when you come back, it’s going to look just like your room.”

“Okay.” Akaashi carried the loaded hamper down the stairs. In the back of his head, there was a mental map of the university. After agreeing to live with Bokuto, he’d memorized the surrounding areas so he wouldn’t get lost. There was a laundromat located conveniently across the street.

He walked there slowly, careful not to drop anything. Once the clothes were transferred to the washing machine, he pulled out his phone, playing some games while he waited for the clothes to finish washing. He put them in the dryer after and browsed through his phone some more. When the clothes were nearly dry, his phone pinged.

From: Bokuto-san  
oh my god help me

He typed _what’s wrong?_ and sent it.

The reply came almost instantly.

From: Bokuto-san  
I need ur help

Akaashi sent _for what?_ back but received no reply and could only conclude Bokuto had turned off his phone. It sounded urgent, so he packed up the clothes and ran back to the dorm as fast as he could.

Akaashi slammed the door open. “Bokuto-san, what’s wrong?”

Bokuto was sitting on top of his desk, which looked close to breaking under his weight. He noticed the floor around the desk was completely empty, leaving a circle of bare ground in Bokuto’s messy room. It looked like a summoning circle, with Bokuto as the demon.

“Don’t come in!” Bokuto yelled in alarm. He was clutching his favourite blanket and trembling, sending tremors through the desk.

“Why not?”

“Because … you might run into him.”

“Who, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “Is someone threatening you? Are you being blackmailed? Bullied?”

Bokuto hiccuped and clapped his hands over his mouth. “He might hear you! And then he’ll know where we are.”

“ _Who_.” Akaashi surveyed the room, not seeing a single other person. He noticed the closet doors were flung wide open and several cups and bowls were overturned.

Bokuto tensed, glancing from side to side. He shushed him and continued to look fearfully around the room. “Mr. Noodles.”

“I’m sorry, who?” Akaashi could not have heard that correctly.

“Mr. Noodles!” Bokuto hissed, wrenching the blanket in his hands. He covered the lower half of his face with it, eyes still scanning the room. “He’s here!”

Apparently, he had just heard that correctly. “Mr. Noodles … is here.”

Bokuto nodded empathetically. “And if he finds us, he’ll bite us!”

“Mr. Noodles will bite us,” Akaashi repeated, trying not to smile. It didn’t work because he felt Bokuto glaring at him.

“This is serious! Mr. Noodles is super scary. He’s the stuff from nightmares.”

“Of, Bokuto-san.”

“Please save me!”

“From Mr. Noodles?”

Bokuto nodded, tugging at the blanket still wrapped around him. “You have to find him, Akaashi, before he finds us. And capture him!”

“Bokuto-san, isn’t it better if we don’t meet this Mr. Noodles? You seem to be scared of him and you said he’d act violently if he saw you.”

“That’s why you have to capture him first! Before he kills me.”

Bokuto’s words left him extremely worried. Was it that serious? There was no getting out of this then. “Okay, fine, what does Mr. Noodles look like?”

“Um, he’s black. With black hair, but in some places it’s orange. He’s really fat and has a round belly.”

“How tall is he?”

“Like, two inches? Do you mean how long? Because then I think it’s three or more.”

Akaashi stared at him. “What do you mean two inches? How is this man two inches tall?”

Bokuto blinked. “I never said Mr. Noodles was a person.”

“Then what exactly is Mr. Noodles?”

“A tarantula.”

Akaashi prayed he was dreaming. “Now please tell me why there is a tarantula named Mr. Noodles in your house.”

Bokuto burst into tears. “Because of Kuroo! He, uh, convinced me it’d be a good idea to get a pet tarantula.”

Akaashi stared at him for a long time. “Bokuto-san, you have arachnophobia.”

“I know! But he doesn’t. And then you know Kuroo, he got all excited over spiders, saying they were cute and everything. He showed me this video of Lucas the Spider and it was so adorable, I couldn’t help but agree. You know I’m weak for small things with big eyes! Then Kuroo suggested that we each buy one as a pet. He looked so hopeful, how was I supposed to betray my best bro like that? How could I turn him down?”

“Well, you could start by explaining that you have arachnophobia.”

“But I didn’t! I just said yes and I couldn’t take it back after already agreeing. So we bought them and I had to take it home.”

Akaashi sighed and leaned to one side. “Wait, when did this happen?”

“Uh, I dunno. I forgot. Maybe two weeks ago? A week?”

“And you didn’t think to tell your new roommate that you bought a pet, which is against campus rules?”

“I’m sorry, Akaashi!” Bokuto sniffled. “Don’t get mad at me and move out. I just put it in its cage and left it there cause I was so scared …” He trailed off, crying again. “And now it's gonna be starving! So guess who it's gonna eat? Me!”

“Calm down. He can’t eat you, you’re at least a hundred times its size.”

“It's out to get me!” Bokuto flailed, nearly falling off the table.

Akaashi crossed the room to grab his arm and steady him. “Stop it. We’ll take Mr. Noodles and return him to the pet store.”

“We can’t. I can’t find him. He’s gone.”

Akaashi stilled, suddenly wary of the floor. “What do you mean he’s gone?” he asked, punctuating every word.

“Didn’t I tell you he was missing? He escaped from his cage earlier today.”

“Earlier today when?” Akaashi hissed, feeling the urge to sit on the table himself.

“Um, actually, it was right before you got here.” He scratched the back of his neck and continued mumbling. “That’s why the room is so messy, I was looking for him.”

Akaashi took a deep breath, feeling ready to combust. “So let me get this straight. You, an arachnophobe, bought a pet tarantula. And didn’t tell me, your new roommate. Then, when I got here, he went missing and you still didn’t tell me. Instead, you just let me walk around and clean your room with a tarantula somewhere in it.”

“Um, yes?” Bokuto had the decency to look ashamed of himself. “But please don’t get mad at me! I was going to find Mr. Noodles and then put him back, without worrying you! I thought I could find him while you went to wash the clothes. But then …”

“But then?” Akaashi prompted.

“I found him, but he crawled up my arm. I screamed and shook him off. He’s disappeared since.”

“Well, no wonder. I’d be gone too if a giant shook me off his hand.”

Bokuto clung to his arm desperately. “You have to help me find him.”

“If I don’t, who will.” Akaashi sighed in defeat. “Alright, let’s start looking. You take the right side of the room, I’ll take the left.” He saw Bokuto’s lip quivering, so he placed a hand over Bokuto’s shaking ones. “Will it be okay if you search from a distance? You can use a ruler, so Mr. Noodles doesn’t actually touch you. He’ll be far away.”

Bokuto nodded hesitantly. They searched the rest of the room in the next hour, looking in every nook and cranny and turning up empty-handed. Bokuto occasionally screamed whenever he saw the slightest movement and even cried once when the lights flickered out briefly. But other than that, the room was mostly silently. After a long while of searching, Akaashi felt sure Mr. Noodles was in the closet, but he knew searching the closet would take all night, so he didn’t mention it to Bokuto.

Then, at midnight, Akaashi suggested they go to sleep.

“No! We can’t! What if Mr. Noodles—what if he—he eats me at night?” Bokuto perched on the bed nervously, fidgeting. “He’ll crawl up the side and bite me and paralyze me and drain me!”

“Please stop being so dramatic, Bokuto-san. Tarantulas can’t eat humans.” Akaashi made his way to his suitcase. “If it bothers you that much, I’ll sleep with you. I’ll be on the other side of the bed, so Mr. Noodles will have to eat me before he gets to you.”

“But—but then you’ll die, Akaashi! I don’t want you to die!” Bokuto blubbered, sobbing between his words as though Akaashi was really going to die. He figured Bokuto probably believed so.

Akaashi kneeled down to unlock his suitcase. He promptly gasped and fell back.

From behind him, a bewildered Bokuto walked up to the suitcase. “What is it?”

It was a black and orange spider, sitting atop a white ball of silk.

“Mr. Noodles!”

“Not Mr. Noodles,” Akaashi said, pointing at the egg sac. “It’s a girl. She has an egg sac.”

Bokuto gasped, apparently scandalized by this fact. “Mrs. Noodles, how come you never told me you were a girl? And you were pregnant too! You’re going to have dozens of cute babies. I bet they’ll look just like Lucas the Spider.”

“Bokuto-san, get me a large bowl please.” 

Akaashi took the bowl and placed it over the tarantula and her egg sac. He slid a paper under them and placed them back in the cage where they belonged. He looked at the clock. It was nearly one in the morning.

“Can we please go to sleep now, Bokuto-san?”

“Yes, for sure!” Bokuto said happily, apparently having forgotten all about the whole tarantula ordeal. “You don’t even have to sleep with me. I’m not scared now that Mrs. Noodles is back in her cage.”

“You never did tell me why you named her that.”

“Oh! Cause her legs look like noodles,” said Bokuto as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “And I sorta want to eat them.”

Akaashi made a mental note never to accept any noodles from Bokuto.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written because I once asked my mom for a tarantula and she told me if I got one, I'd have to keep it in my own room and not come running to her if it escapes.
> 
> Also, Mrs. Noodles is a Mexican red knee, which are quite docile and make good beginner pets. :3
> 
> Oh, and Lucas the Spider is a real thing. It’s this cute jumping spider animation that will completely cure your fear of spiders, I promise. You should totally go watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoYVZmKSYFg


End file.
